Book: Coming Full Circle Through Changes, Challenges and Transitions. www.facebook.com/changeschallengesandtransitions
Heart break is most often experienced because of expectations that we hold about how things are “supposed to be” or how we want them to be. One of the major reasons we become angry is because people, events, or circumstances are contrary to our expectations. When this occurs, we can immediately know that we are creating our own anger or disappointment because we are denying how things are. Byron Katie’s book: “Loving What Is” is an excellent resource for understanding the importance of embracing “what is.” Once we realize the importance of this concept, we know that our own mind is creating the pain or anger we are experiencing because of our expectations of how we think it should be. Our own minds/egos are causing our suffering. And oftentimes, our expectations aren’t even realistic, but we hold on to them as “givens” and then feel betrayed when they don’t turn out as we expected they “should.” Actually the betrayal occurs because of our own inability to allow and accept things to be as they are.
Removing expectations makes room for infinite possibilities to arise that would have been impossible for the finite mind to conceive. It is so easy to have expectations regarding how we want things to evolve and manifest, and yet often that can be limiting. My friend Aron Abrahamsen used to say, when he prayed for something, he added: “this or something better.” He knew the wisdom of not limiting the Universe (God) in its response. Sometimes, what we expect may not be what is ultimately best for us. But there may be something much better that lies ahead in a “bigger picture” that we can’t see at the moment. This has certainly been the case many, many times in my life.
Ken Keyes, in his book: “A Conscious Person’s Guide to Relationships” called these expectations “addictions” or addictions to outcomes. His thought was to upgrade those addictions to “preferences” maintaining that it is fine to prefer a certain outcome, just don’t attach to it. I wrote a blog about this very subject a few months ago. http://overthemilesofmymind.com/the-power-of-non-resistance
These expectations can create huge problems in our relationships, whether with a spouse, a child, a friend, or in our workplace. Once we allow ourselves to think another person should act or respond in the same manner we would, we have failed to allow for individual differences in: familial background experiences, childhoods, and early programming through cultural mores, churches, and schools. These exert great influence and form and inform each life. One of the tasks we have all come in human form to work on is to learn to love unconditionally. And to learn unconditional love, is also to find the magic in discovering ourselves and others without trying to make either conform to the expectations and faulty notions of our finite and limited minds. Once we have done this we have entered into the garden of infinite possibilities where there are riches far beyond anything our finite minds could have comprehended!
Two of my blogs related to this topic are: